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Permission To Walk

1/25/2015

2 Comments

 
by Trisha Brennan

As a runner, I’ve always been motivated by the destination, the finish line… not necessarily the journey—the training or the actual run.    
While attending a professional conference recently, I kept hearing the phrase, “It’s about the journey, not the destination.” It reminded me of many professional conversations in which I’ve participated, talking about the process as more valuable than the product. As educators, we look at data to make instructional decisions for our students, track their progress along the way, and make sure we do everything we can in order for our students to meet their goals and objectives. There is an end, but to get to it we focus intensely on all the steps along the way.

A race-training schedule reminds me of the formative assessments we use along the way in education. It helps me have confidence in my race day performance, answering the nagging questions: Am I on my way to success?  Will I be able to cross the finish line? 

The first time I trained for a half-marathon, I followed my training schedule religiously. I didn’t miss a single run. I even cross-trained. (Thinking, What’s that? is as close as I get to cross-training these days.) Even bad weather didn’t stop my training. 

I will never forget a ten-mile training run in Creve Coeur Lake Park on Christmas Eve. It was freezing, so cold that the water was ice. Waves were literally frozen in mid-motion. I brought Skittles with me as a pick-me-up, but when I reached into my pocket to throw a few in my mouth, my fingers grasped solidly frozen candy. I reconciled to move on without them.

When race day came, I was trained and ready. I would finish! Even better, I would tackle the finish line! And, I would not stop running! This was my mindset for years.  As I passed runners who suddenly stopped running to walk with less than a mile to go, I couldn’t understand what they were doing.  Didn’t they train for this? I just couldn’t understand how they could get so far and then “give up.” 

Then my reality changed. I became a mom of two boys with a full-time career. I still attempt to use the same training schedule, but now I’m lucky to get in two short runs midweek and a long run on the weekend. Cross-training? Yeah right (unless you count walking around an elementary school all day or lifting my kids in and out of the car or into bed).

The most challenging part, though, wasn’t training less; it was mentally coming to terms with my new running reality.

I am currently running slower than I have been in years, and (gasp) I have walked in the last quarter-mile of a race. In fact, it happened during my last race, the St. Louis Hot Chocolate 15K, while with two of my amazing running partners. I can’t remember if it was my breath or my legs, or maybe even my head, but I just had to stop and walk for a few moments.

I reflected on all of those runners through the years I had watched slow to a walk during a race.  Maybe they were suffering from an IT band injury, maybe they were dealing with the news of cancer, maybe they were struggling with their four year old, maybe they found out their child had a incurable genetic disorder, maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t about a lack of training.  Maybe at that moment, life was just too much, and they needed a second or two or three to slow down, reboot themselves, and start again. Maybe they weren’t giving up. Maybe they just needed permission to walk.

After years of running to the finish line, focusing on the end goal, I’m starting to appreciate the journey. And sometimes, I just need to slow down, even to a walk, in order to get there. Today I give myself permission to walk, permission to be human, and know I will still get there.
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2 Comments
Debbie Mathis
1/25/2015 11:59:35 am

Never truer words spoken Trisha! Such an analogy for all things in this life we live and never truer than in those events that require us to depend on ever facet of our being. For the past 6 years I have been the captain of a 3day for the Cure breast cancer team walking 60 miles for 3days and I can tell you that we all prepare and train for all that time on our feet. I can also tell you that life gets in the way, that sometimes you have to listen to your body and/or your heart and alter your plan for completing that event. You have raised your money which is what gives you the honor of walking but when you get to the event sickness, injury, and yes sometimes emotional, family, or extenuating circumstances require you to alter that plan you have dreamed about for a year. You have to give yourself a pass...get to the finish line anyway your can and never look back...those hours of training...that journey gave you something that made you a better person.
2014...year 59 of my life I decided it was time to do a half-marathon despite the fact I had multiple bike ride events planned, a race for the cure, a Tri for the Cure and a 60 mile breast cancer walk on my calendar. Randy and I have been very active during our life and with a career in the military Randy had more than run a number of half-marathons and participated in events to test him mettle. Bless him...he chose to join forces with me to make the half a reality and we trained like crazy people...even though we have full-time jobs and families that need us. It was life changing for us as a couple and as individuals...but we are not young and age and gravity challenged us at every turn. Running was not like it was when we were in our 30's and we absolutely adopted a run/walk plan and it was what got us to our goal. We ran a 4min/1min walk for 2 half-marathons in a month and although we would have liked to run the whole thing our bodies convinced us that we had accomplished amazing feats and honestly I am proud. I never thought I could run that much. In the second half in a month we ran through many of our 1 min. walk periods,, but we were willing to do what was right for us. It is a mental game for sure...our minds play such power plays.
Trisha, Thanks for your words and your inspiration. Life is hard...family is our passion and sometimes life gets in the way. All the training and ability in the world can't always move you...after my mom died my body just wouldn't step up...like I was mired in mud. Sometimes we deserve a pass...a break...we are human and sometimes...just sometimes...we need to cherish the journey because sometimes the end is just not that important.

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Trisha Brennan
1/26/2015 09:37:31 am

Debbie,
You are truly an inspiration. I have enjoyed following your journey on FB as you train and walk for a Cure for Breast Cancer. Reading your post took me back to years ago and our morning talks at DCC. Thank you for sharing your kind words, wisdom, and understanding...then and now. Miss you!

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